I don't like this God.

Exodus 12:1-14 is what i'm studying right now, for planning purposes. A few weeks ago when my colleague, Rhonda, suggested that we follow the Moses stories in Exodus i thought it was a great idea. 3 weeks in, i wonder what i could possibly have been thinking!

So, God is saying "Feast on a lamb and put its blood on the door or i will kill your children," right? I don't like that God.

Maybe humans are writing down what God is inspiring them to say. I don't like those people.

Is it a sin to dislike these things i'm reading? Why does God want to kill anyone's children?

As we worked through our planning process of Bible study and dialogue, things were not looking up. This legalistic police-officer god of the rules and regulations is not a god whom i care to worship. Are we really looking at a case for redemptive suffering here, like "If i suffer enough, God will love me?" Ultimately, we end up back at The Big Theodicy Question: Where is God in suffering?

Certainly, there are times that our work as children of God results in suffering. Micah 6:8 tells us to seek justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God. Sometimes seeking justice requires that we speak for someone who has no voice, and we are at least inconvenienced and at most tortured. Sometimes loving kindness means that we must give of our privilege or resources, leaving us with less. Sometimes walking humbly with God leaves us vulnerable to those who gain power by dominating others. To varying degrees, at different times, we suffer when we honor our covenant with God.

And that's what this Exodus passage is: it's a part of the covenant between God and God's people. The people did what God said, and God blessed them. The people did not do what God said, and God did not bless them. Simple. Or simplistic.

And that's at the core of my discomfort with this passage. This simplistic world-view, based on simplistic, black-and-white thinking, is not a part of my adult experience. I don't try to do what God says because i am afraid of being cursed, or un-blessed, or punished, or whatever. I try to do what God says because i think God is Love, and loving is simply the right thing to do.

Which brings me to the Jesus problem, and the pesky Christian's Second Testament (or New Testament). As people who call ourselves Christians, we interpret this whole First Testament, the Hebrew Bible, through the lense of The Christ Event. Jesus tells us that we are beloved children of God, and all the sacrifices in the universe can't make us better or more or less or worse. We are simply the recipients of God's grace. That's it. It's simple without being simplistic. Therefore, when i follow Jesus' example of how to live as a child of God, i'm not obeying what Jesus told me to do because i want to gain God's love or avoid God's punishment. I'm following Jesus' example because i think Jesus embodied what God wants humans to do, and i should do it because it's the right thing to do.

So when i look at the Hebrew Bible, i try not to discount the things that are difficult by saying, "I'm excused from that part because of Jesus's hall-pass of grace." I'm looking for the message inside the Message, asking "What does God have to tell me this time?" It might be different from the last time i studied that part.

Maybe the Message this time is that i don't have to like the God of Isreal that i read about in this passage. Maybe it's that i must look hard to find the grace in this God, as the Israelites understood their God. Maybe it's that my brain simply isn't big enough to understand the complex God of Israel. Maybe the message is one like i often heard in grade school, "Mind your own business! That's their covenant; you work on keeping your own!"

What's your Message? Whose person are you, and who is your God?